Only siths deal in absolutes!

2006-06-23T05:20:26Z

And I absolutely do not eat barbecue.

So today, I got a job working construction. It was really good at first -- that is, until they told me to put on a hard hat. It was so not my style, so I threw it at my boss' face. His skull cracked open and he was bleeding and screaming all over the factory, but he didn't have the opportunity to fire me, because he died first. However, I was thrown out by the other workers after I tried to eat a hammer and got tangled, repeatedly, in the machinery.

I was depressed, not so much because I'd killed a man, but because I really did like the hardhat. It was just a joke. People need to learn how to take jokes. So I went for my father's cholesterol meds, so that I could drown the pain in them. They were all gone. I was sad.

So instead I looked for a way to cheer myself up. We were out of uppers (my house has been low on pills lately) so I sought out a cuddly creature. This is Huggysnugglebunches. I found her underneath my pillow.

We became best friends instantly. I mean, we really hit it off. We had great times together, while she sat places and I pointed and laughed at her. We became very close to one another... we didn't go anywhere without each other.

She loved to snuggle.

Until about an hour ago, which was when she spoke up and said (in a well-tailored British accent): "Here here, Winifred, you are a clingy freak. Go away." Well, that depressed me again. My only friend had called me a clingy freak. I cried and took lots of emo Myspace pictures to gain pity. But none came my way.

So I was forced to cut my wrists with a butterknife. I was taking a while to bleed to death though, so I eventually performed hari-kari on myself. (Too graphic to be pictured here.)

Then I died, and ketchup somehow got on my face. I blame Huggysnugglebunches. She always was a backstabber.

... Yummy. Tastes like... soy blocks.

2005-10-08T06:00:39Z

Do you want Genital Warts?! GET THEM FREE!

CLICK HERE!
YAY!

Goober.

2005-09-25T04:29:06Z

Um. Hi.

So uh... how 'bout them apples?

A Distorted Reality Is Now a Necessity...

Only siths deal in absolutes!

... Yummy. Tastes like... soy blocks.

Goober.